Monday, September 28, 2009

Frenemies of God

Too little sleep. I've done a bad thing and let anxiety slip its way into my night. So instead I’ll write. That might help me clear my head.


Is it a noble thing to love when you know that love will bring only hurt to you, even if it brings healing to the other person? Not because the other person means to hurt you, but because hurt you is all they can do. And what if they really need you now, but then won't need you in the future. Can you still love them knowing they will all too soon discard your relationship?
I’ve had friends in my life that for my own well being I probably should have broken contact with. There were those people who would spread gossip. And there were those people who would always require support, while never being able to offer any when I would need it. Should I have left them, struck off for better friendships, with people whose personalities I would find more attractive?

Probably.

But I didn’t. I stuck with them, understanding that our friendship’s level of honesty would always be in their hands.

Maybe I’m too old now, for that sort of sacrificial love.

Maybe it’s because I have a wife who meets my needs for companionship that make me less tolerant of relationships that show little promise of emotional fulfillment in return for my investment of time.

Maybe it’s from being in ministry. Preachers can’t be too careful about their friends in the congregation, as that can really come back and bite you. But they also have few friends among other preachers, as each is busy building their own kingdoms, and each is too concerned with their lack of real friendships. Most preachers I know have one or two real friends that are also in ministry and no more.

Maybe I just need to sleep.

Maybe when I wake up I’ll realize that Christ loves me, even though there’s little chance I’ll bring Him a positive return for His emotional investment in me. I’ll fail as much as I walk, and yet, there He will be, standing still on the path until I catch up to Him, so that we can walk further.